The Desire to Please You

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This March, DC Service Corps made the journey to Western, N.Y.! Now that we are more than halfway through our year of service, it was the perfect time to get away and have a chance to reset and settle our hearts. We had the opportunity to live in community with those living at Mt. Irenaeus, a Franciscan intentional community. 

Funny enough, I actually used to live at Mt. Irenaeus! The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college, I spent about nine weeks as a summer companion at the Mountain. 

The Mountain community quickly became my family. After living there for some time, I still remained close to them during my other three years in college, leading cross-country prayer services, hosting retreats for Bonaventure students, and even working as their social media intern. 

When I found out we were going to the Mountain for our mid-year retreat, it’s all I could talk about for months. 

“I’m so excited to tell Br. Joe about my 5k in May.”

“Just WAIT until you try Br. Kevin’s pickled veggies.”

“I cannot wait to hug Karen.”

“Only nine more days until I hear from my favorite homilist, Fr. Lou!” 

The child of God I was at 19 is completely different from the one who is now 23. It’s a beautiful development. 

I could easily write over 1,000 words reflecting on this retreat and how I have seen myself grow. However, I will tell you about my favorite part of the week: Tuesday’s morning Mass. 

Fr. Lou gave an incredible homily on prayer – how beautiful, hard, meaningful, and varied prayer can be. 

He referenced one of my favorite prayers of all time: ‘The Merton Prayer’ 

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am following your will

does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though

I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. 

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

– Thomas Merton

Fr. Lou reminded us that, similarly, our desire to pray is, in fact, already, a prayer. 

God sees our laments, our attempts, and our busyness. Yes, time set aside for contemplative prayer is important and restorative, but I started to think about what else could be my prayer. That morning alone, I felt like I had prayed 1,000 times. 

• My walk to the chapel
• Feeling anticipation for the rest of the day 
• Saying ‘thank you’ to Br. Joe who passed me a butter knife 
• A morning hug I gave to Claire Bosch
• The smile I gave to myself as I noticed the sunrise 
• Eating my breakfast a little bit slower

While I meditated on these prayers post-communion, Fr. Lou played a song called ‘Happiness’ sung by the Monks of Weston Priory. 

My favorite lyrics were: “If you look, you’re sure to find the rainbow of your dreams. Tomorrow’s fuller than a thousand yesterdays with the vision of a new day in your heart.” 

I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of the retreat looking for the rainbow of my dreams.

One rainbow stumbled upon me quickly when Claire Bosch turned to me and said “I felt like if I was going to die and go to Heaven, I’d be right back in that chapel.” 

I hugged her once again. That was yet another prayer. 

My prayer life consists of Mass, Lectio Divina, singing, the rosary and more, but Fr. Lou inspired me to see the other ways I contemplate without even realizing it. 

I pray that my desire to please the Lord through worship always pleases Him. 

Question for Reflection: Reflect on the ways that you pray or contemplate throughout your day. What ordinary words or actions can become a prayer through your desire to please God?