The Disappearing Act of Finding Aspirations

Editor’s Note: Reflecting on an excerpt from one of his favorite poetry collections, DC Service Corps member Jarrett Murano shares his experience in finding his life’s aspiration. He shares the unexpected ways in which his aspirations have shifted, and how it draws him back to reflection and discernment.

“…what you want does

not disappear 

Just because you have found it…”

An excerpt from Pedro Larrea Rubio’s poetry collection, “The Wizard’s Manuscript”, 

Larrea Rubio, Pedro. The Wizard’s Manuscript. Clayton, GA, Valparaíso Editions USA, November 2017

This poem is from a collection that’s very special to me. The author is a former Spanish professor from when I was in my second year of college. I went to his poetry reading on February 27th, 2019 and immediately sprinted back to my dorm to get the money to buy this book. It’s a delightful collection of intricately (and sometimes elusively) written poems pertaining to aspects of journey, dreams, and life experiences. When trying to describe Pedro’s works, you might also find that it can be a difficult task to conventionally describe the juxtapositions, metaphors, and similes without finding yourself just as lost. I cite this as one major reason why I keep this book with me all the time. 

The poem I selected is from poem #26, on pg. 99, lines 14-16.  The excerpt included above has been underlined in my book for quite some time. Upon initial reading, the note of finding what you are looking for resonated with me a lot. It was one of the few instances where I actually felt that something inanimate was speaking with me. “What you want does not disappear just because you have found it.” The entire work alternates between looking at your past to then look at your own future.  The selected section that has been discussed is the summation of the whole poem. Just because the reader has spent time and effort to find what they want does not discredit how they got there. The attained goal does not demean the efforts of the arrival. 

When I first read this, I was transitioning from a music major to an art major, out of a failed relationship, and was at a loss of direction. I had felt that music was the subject I could pursue, but then had realized it was more a hobby. I was anxious that, because I had made this realization, that I would slowly fall out of something that I loved. Now, music still remains an important outlet for me creatively. 

Currently, this poem reads to me as I progress through my year of volunteering at Food & Friends, a medically tailored meal delivery non-profit program, located in Fort Totten, DC. I spent my 3 years as an art major prior imagining myself working in graphic design, having my own desk and my own projects. However, there are aspects of a design job that have challenged me in a way that I didn’t expect. This brings me back once again to the poem to reflect. Even though currently I’m moving away from my vision of a projected career in graphic design, I know that my creative tendencies will follow me. 

Question for Reflection: Our goals and aspirations change as we grow. How are your aspirations shifting? How do you see God working through this shift?