Transitions

Over the past few weeks, I finished my program with FMS, returned home to Denver, and then moved to NYC to begin medical school.  This year has been nothing short of transformative, and I am deeply grateful to the FMS staff, the Christ House community, and my intentional community for their accompaniment, relationship, and example.  Currently, my life is in a state of flux.  I am now surrounded by skyscrapers instead of row houses, residing in a classic NYC high rise apartment instead of a charming old seminary house. Aspects of my life such as prayer, community, and ministry that were so integral to this past year have also changed significantly.  In our closing retreat this year at the Shrine of St. Anthony, we reflected on such periods of transition.  We learned how it is an internal process that, though it doesn’t have to, can be caused by external change.  It requires trust in God and contentment with a state of uncertainty while also providing a great opportunity for personal growth. 

Living at the Casa was conducive to an enriching prayer life.  There is an in-house chapel with the Blessed Sacrament, a beautiful monastery and basilica nearby, and community prayer after most of our shared dinners.  My routine included adding prayer in the morning before work and at the end of the day after our community prayer.  It grounded me and drew me closer with God. Now, without that accessibility and environment, I have lost some of my spiritual discipline and have resultantly felt somewhat detached in my relationship with God. However, I am hopeful.  It will require more intentionality, but through the creation of a prayer space in my room and the seeking out of local churches and chapels (of which there are several), I look forward to re-establishing the structure that will render the next few years in the city positive steps in my spiritual journey.  

Friendships are blessings that can reflect the various chapters of our life.  The past year has brought many fulfilling relationships formed in times of laughter and grief, joy and uncertainty. They taught me how to be a better Catholic, a better clinician, and a better friend.  Returning home to Denver took me back nine years as my tight-knit group of high school friends still stays in touch. Our lives now look very different, but we stepped right back in as if no time had passed.  Being home has also allowed me to spend extended time with my family who are the underlying theme within this book of relationships. They are my foundation through all of life’s endeavors. As I now settle into NYC, a new frontier of friendships is on the horizon.  Instead of being united by faith like my community at FMS, we are united in vocation. The next few years will be physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing—hours of studying, night shifts on the wards, experiencing the suffering or death of a patient.  However, I have already met a community of students that have been incredibly supportive and empowering, and I look forward to the strong relationships that will bloom from our common struggle.

Lastly, while working at Christ House, my days were hands-on, patient-interfacing, and often spent on my feet.  I return for the next year to the desk and the books in what will be an endeavor more intellectually arduous than the more physical and emotional challenge of before.  Furthermore, though the past year brought a deep dive into the clinical environment and relationships of medicine, this next step is one of a different sort of preparation.  This ministry isn’t as direct or tangible, but in an effort to stay grounded, I hope to reframe my studies as service to my future patients.  That said, my year of service instilled a desire to remain in touch with my local community, and I plan on continuing to engage with NYC’s population experiencing homelessness through outreach activities and simple conversation.

In the first chapter of “St. Francis and the Foolishness of God,” the authors state, “We, who with St. Francis only saw the poor as the ‘other,’ the feared one, the object of dread, then pity, then charity, can, as individuals and societies, experience a profound, ongoing, Spirit-led conversion of heart, soul, and mind.”  Though the Franciscan way is no longer as straightforward as it was this past year, I hope to continue to work towards such a transformation and to continue to develop the values of simple living, humility, and service that FMS embodies and instills so well. 

Question for Reflection: Are you in a period of transition? If so, what may God be showing to you?