Jesus, I Trust in You

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

The Franciscan sisters who I live with have wonderfully included me in their ministries and in their community life at the convent. It has been a rich experience filled with deep spirituality, friendship, and rewarding work. There also can be no doubt that my work at Bethlehem Orphanage is one of my greatest joys. Yet, for several months, I sensed that God desired something more from me. 

I come from a place of privilege, and in some ways, the convent and Bethlehem kept me safely in that bubble of privilege. Yet, whenever I went for a drive in Kingston, I saw through the protection of the car window a side of Kingston that was very hard to look at. So many live in extreme poverty. There was this nagging tension, a sort of spiritual battle within me with one side wanting to put up blinders and the other inviting me to step outside and not fear, for these too were God’s people. I daily prayed to God to help me know what he was asking of me and affirmed my prayer by concluding “Jesus, I trust in you.” This is when I met Sr. Beverly.

I heard that Sr. Beverly worked in the inner city, so I asked her if I could be her shadow for a day. She agreed and picked me up one morning at 6:30 AM. Off we went in her decades old van that only holds together by the grace of God. On the journey, I noticed that Sr. Beverly was unlike many Kingston drivers. She stayed within speed limits stopping for every pedestrian, and always giving deference to every other driver on the road. At stoplights, she greeted vendors walking amongst the cars, and when they saw her blue habit, they sent her blessings. This was a densely packed 45-minute demonstration of “loving thy neighbor,” and I quickly realized that Sr. Beverly was of a different ilk.

We soon arrived at the location of her ministry, St. Anne’s Church in the Hannah Town neighborhood of Kingston. It was 7:15 AM and she opened the church doors and set up for adoration. At 8:00, Fr. Patrick said Mass. There were probably about 20 people in attendance, and I watched as most of them came up during communion with their arms crossed for a blessing. I later learned that these individuals are not Catholic, but they enjoy coming to Mass most mornings.

After Mass, I shadowed Sr. Beverly in her work. She showed me the rectory and sacristy of the church and noted they both needed some major TLC. She also explained that someone was needed to teach OCIA and catechism. We then went for a walk in the neighborhood. I was told that the crime rate here was high, and one must be cautious. She introduced me to so many people along the way. Many live on “captured land” (called “squatting” in the US) and built their homes using gathered materials. This is somewhat common throughout Jamaica. Some of the people I met have small carts or booths that they use to sell snacks and drinks. I noticed little car or foot traffic, and wondered if their business could sustain them. We continued our journey through the neighborhood and visited some shut-ins to whom she administered Holy Communion. In every encounter, I was a witness to a dedicated woman who truly loved this community. Moreover, they loved her. Not a soul passed her without offering her warm greetings. 

We visited three schools in the neighborhood that belong to the church, and all three asked me to volunteer. Sr. Beverly then took me to a property next to St. Anne’s called the “Village” which is a small community built for the church by US volunteers. There are seven distinct units on about ½ acre of land housing mostly poor elderly women. Sr. Beverly introduced me to several of the residents and later shared with me that she hoped that someone could help the residents to build positive relationships, as there has been some long-standing tension between them. 

As that first day came to a close, I talked with Sr. Beverly about the work I could do. I have to admit that I was feeling a little scared. The list of needs was long, and I was worried that some of the work was not in my wheelhouse. I felt very uncomfortable with trying to build relationships in the Village units. I have no training as a catechist, and lacked confidence in teaching religion. I also haven’t mentioned that I could barely understand the speech of the community members I met that day. They spoke with a very thick Jamaican Patois accent, and I just could not discern their words. 

Back at the convent, I sat before Jesus and spoke of my fears. In time, a calm came over me and I remembered my prayer of assent “Jesus, I trust in you.” I repeated it slowly, breathing in the words and exhaling out my fears. Confidence started pouring over me and I began to understand that my fears were unnecessary. The gifts the Lord has given me, He would use. Those I was lacking He would provide. I just needed to trust in Him.

My time in the community of St. Anne’s is now something I look forward to. I lead a faith studies group right after Mass, and later in the day, I accompany a few people on their OCIA journey. When I walk down the street to work in the schools, I am warmly greeted by the residents and children. Every day, I visit the Village to check in with my newfound friends. One is Sr. Angelita, and she and I are conspiring to clean up the overgrowth of plants. I also sit for a spell and chit chat with Mrs. Reid and Mrs. Tulloch. They both are hard of hearing and I struggle to parse through their thick accent, but God graces us with a good sense of humor and a lot of patience. 

I thank God for directing me to Sr. Beverly. Her devotion to God and dedication to the St. Anne’s neighborhood is a model of deep faith and true love. Through Sr. Beverly, God gave me an opportunity to drop my guard, let go of control and trust in Him alone.

I trusted in the Lord with all my heart, and He filled my heart with joy.

I let go of my ways, and His way became clear. 

Praise the Lord!

Question for Reflection: When have you trusted in God while you served your neighbors?

Photos of Susan and her ministries at St. Anne’s Church and the Village neighborhood.