Trust in the Lord
Editor’s Note: As she nears the end of her time on mission, lay missioner Susan Sarkissian shares a few ways that God has worked through her in Jamaica.
In just a matter of weeks, I will be transitioning back to life in the US. I have such mixed emotions about this. There are things I love about the time I’ve spent in Jamaica, and so very much that challenged me. Returning to the US will bring familiarity, but I’ve changed in ways that mean that I can’t go back to living as I used to. There is only one thing I am sure of, and that is my original commitment when I became a Franciscan missioner, promising a life-long commitment in service to God.
I love the story in the Bible where Jesus sends his disciples out to spread the good news. They had some time in formation with Jesus, yet I can imagine they felt great apprehension at going out into the unknown, feeling unprepared and lacking confidence that they could truly be the vehicles of healing and spiritual transformation for the communities they visited. This is well represented in an episode of the series “The Chosen”. If you haven’t watched it yet, here is a short clip (The Chosen, Season 3, Episode 2).
Though I am no healer, I do know a little of what the Apostles must have felt. I worried that I really was a poor candidate for doing God’s work. I was focused on my shortcomings and didn’t realize how God could work through me with or without those deficiencies. He only needed me to say yes to His will.
In Jamaica, I immersed myself in my faith and in my walk with God. I committed to intentional living, associating with the Franciscan Sisters, attending daily Mass, focused time for prayer and reading of scripture, and time in ministry to walk my faith and learn to trust in God. I will never forget the first moment I recognized God working through me. It was in service to the children at the Bethlehem orphanage. I have a practice of visiting each child and praying a “Hail Mary” asking our Blessed Mother to help them know they are loved and never alone. On one particular day, I was holding a child with a very broken body. I was feeling great love for the child as though I were her mother. As I stared into her eyes, I knew at that moment that it was God looking back at me. A Bible passage whispered in my thoughts “…for I was sick and you visited me, I was a prisoner and you came to me…” (Matt 25:36). I almost stopped breathing. I looked around and wanted to shout out what I just experienced, but realized this grace was for me alone.
Another moment was when I was teaching Catechism at St. Anne’s. This is one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I am no Bible scholar or apologist, and I was so nervous that someone would ask a question I couldn’t answer. I always prepared my lesson the night before, and tried to anticipate what might be asked of me. When the time came, I began as I usually do, and called upon the Holy Spirit to guide this time together, and then read the Bible passage which was the foundation of the lesson. I’ll never forget what happened next. I looked at my prepared lesson, put it down, and began to talk. I was mystified by the words that left my mouth, but it felt natural and my students sat up. All of us were engaged in a rich spiritual conversation. As with at Bethlehem Orphanage, I was once again a mere conduit for God’s beautiful presence.
There is much to work through when I return to the US, but I’m not worrying like I thought I would. Through learning and living the Franciscan charism, I have seen God’s power and know His love. What more could I need other than for you to know the wonders and beauty of God’s presence in your life!
St. Francis, pray for us!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5–6
Question for Reflection: How have you been open to God’s will and experienced God working through you?
